I'm Not a Penguin!
by Lordoftheghostking28
Summary: Go on the mission, she said. It will be fun, she said. No one will try and steal your wings, she said...


***Dinging sound* Achievement unlocked! Write for 25 fandoms!**

 **Yeah, I shouldn't really be writing another FanFic, but it seems as though the only kind I can bring myself to write nowadays are short oneshots. I'm struggling to keep going with my other stories…**

 **That, and I should be doing some summer math shit and I don't want to, so here's a story.**

 **But enough of that. I decided to write a short and cute story, so here it is. It's not a continuation of Uprising; it's more of an AU if anything.**

 **XxXxXxXx**

Pit made his way through the dense forest, careful to not snag his toga or wings on any of the low hanging branches. Ever since he had been forced to land or risk burning his wings up, his connection to Lady Palutena had been hazy at best.

" 'Go on the mission', she said…" Pit grumbled, picking leaves out of his hair. "… 'It will be fun', she said…"

He glanced up at the oddly shaped tree he had passed at least four times already.

"…'It will be easy and you won't have to worry', she said!" Pit growled, collapsing to the ground in a frustrated and slightly worried heap of feathers. "Lady Palutenaa _aa!_!"

No one answered him. Pit took a deep breath, held it long enough to make his face turn pink, and let it out in another shout of the name of his goddess.

Still, no answer.

"Maybe Viridi will find me…" Pit mumbled. "After all, she was in on this weird mission, too…What did Lady Palutena say about it again? Something about the Underworld troops?"

Although he would not admit it, Pit had zoned out when Palutena was briefing him about the mission. He had only managed to catch a few key points, both about the Underworld army and something about an odd forest growing down in the human world. And of course, where freaky plants were found, Viridi was sure to be nearby.

…Or at least Pit hoped.

"Viridiii _iii_!"

The goddess of nature didn't respond.

"I'm going to die." Pit decided. His stomach chose that exact moment to give off a loud rumble. "I'm going to starve and die!"

To add emphasis to his suffering, the grounded angel flopped onto his side and rolled until his back connected with a tree. Pit lay, absolutely defeated, groaning in agony.

"All I had to eat today was floor ice cream and three marshmallows from the cereal box…!"

" _What_ kind of ice cream? I must say, that sounds delightful."

Pit jumped and scrambled to his feet at the unknown voice, turning in a complete circle and trying to pinpoint the newcomer. "Show yourself!" If he hadn't lost his weapons in the fall, then perhaps this whole lost thing would be a lot more manageable...

Something hard hit him in the temple, throwing off his balance. Pit landed on his backside with an "oof!"

"There's more where that came from!" the voice continued in a cherry tune.

Pit glanced up into the odd tree, surprised to see someone lounging among the branches. He looked plumper and slightly older than Palutena (physically, anyway. Pit could see the smile lines marking his face despite the fact he was high up in the tree) and was dressed in dark garments that looked slightly like royal robes. He was tossing an apple up into the air whilst eating another.

"Who are you?"

"I'm your father, Pit!" the man grinned and threw the other apple.

" _What?!_ " Pit was too confused to properly catch the apple, which struck him on the forehead. "You're….my _father_?!"

"Of course!" the man laughed. "Of course… _not!_ I can't believe you believed me! Oh, that was priceless!"

"So…you're not my father…" Pit blinked and rubbed his head. "Then who the heck are you?"

"I'm your mother! Haha, just kidding! Oh, man! You should see your face!"

"Uh…" Pit sighed. "Do you know how I can get out of here? I'm kind of lost…"

"Hi, Kind of Lost, I'm Dolos!" The man jumped out of the tree and landed without so much as straining himself.

"How did you do that? Any normal human would…you know, die!" Pit stood, gesturing from the ground to the tree and back again.

"I'm not any normal human, Pitto-boy!" the man, Dolos, said with a huge grin. He sidled up to Pit and put his right arm around his shoulders and gestured with his left to the vast forest. "You see this? This is my home! I'm the guardian of this place!"

"You live here?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Then do you know how to get out of here?"

"If I didn't know then I'm not the god of truth and paths!"

"A god?" Pit blurted. "I've never heard of you before! Lady Palutena never mentioned you before!"

Dolos' face hardened for just a moment before speaking, "She never did…? I'm hurt..."

"Well, she'll know your name if you help me out!" Pit insisted. "So which way?"

"No way on foot, Pitto." Dolos let his arm fall from around Pit's shoulders and instead pointed up. "You gotta go up."

"Up?" Pit's heart sank. "I…I can't."

"You're an angel, and you can't fly?" Dolos roared with laughter. "Oh, boy! That's a good one! What are you, a penguin?"

"I'm not a penguin!" Pit said. He didn't exactly know what a penguin was, but the way Dolos said it didn't make it sound like a good thing. "Is there any other way to get out?"

"Nope." Dolos shook his head. "It's either up or you're stuck here with me!"

"Is there anything I can do to fly out?" Pit thought for a moment. "Is there any way to make me able to fly on my own again?"

"On your own?" Dolos inquired.

"Yeah! Lady Palutena is the one who gives me flight! Without her, I can't fly at all!"

"Ah, yes, I remember…" Dolos stroked an invisible beard. "Well, I do know one way."

" _Really?_!"

"Yeah, but it's not easy." Dolos said. "You have to retrieve a feather of a bird."

"Any bird?"

"Any bird." Dolos said.

"That doesn't sound too hard!" Pit frowned. "Do you think I can't do it or something?"

"I didn't tell you the full story." Dolos said. "There is only one bird here in this forest. It will ask you something. If your answer is pleasing, it will pluck one of its feathers and give it to you. If you answer wrong…then this is the last I'll see of you."

Pit gulped down the lump that was rising in his throat. "Wh…where can I find this bird?"

"That way. Just keep going until you find it!" Dolos pointed toward an especially thick group of trees.

 **XxXxXxXx**

"Oh, man, I'm going to be able to fly on my own!" Pit took an excited bite out of the apple that Dolos had thrown him. "I'm gonna be able to fly…and…and then I can show Lady Palutena that I can be the best angel ever, and she doesn't have to worry about me!"

He climbed over a huge fallen tree. "And then I can show Viridi!"

Stumbling over a semi-hidden vine didn't hinder his spirits in the slightest. Pit continued his journey through the dense forest, keeping an eye out for whatever bird Dolos had spoken of. He hoped it was brightly coloured, or at least visible and easy to spot among the greens and browns of the plant life.

"And when I can fly on my own, I can go and surprise Lady Palutena on her birthday and….and I can get her nice flowers and stuff! …what do goddesses like, anyway? When _is_ Lady Palutena's birthday?"

His rambling nearly distracted him from the white form that darted into the leaves of a nearby tree. Pit jumped backward and squinted into the high treetop, trying to find any hide or…feather…of the mysterious bird.

"Come here, birdie! I need your feather!"

The leaves rustled for a few moments and a voice that carried all the warmth of a fireplace in wintertime asked, " ' _Birdie_ '?"

The leaves parted, seemingly on their own, to reveal a woman that—Pit tried to push the observation away—rivaled even Lady Palutena's beauty. She was clothed in spotless white garments with gold trim that flowed around her as if suspended in water. Her hair, blazing red and drifting behind her like a river of blood, reached down past her feet. Her skin was porcelain and fragile looking; her eyes were ebony, like a scar of sin amongst her pureness.

Pit inhaled deeply. "B…You're not a bird…" he blubbed stupidly.

"No, I am not one of the creatures of the sky, as I have no wings." The woman spread her arms, as if proving her lack of feathers. "I have but only a feather of an angel that had fallen long ago."

Braided in her hair nearby her left ear was a black feather. She lifted the strand of hair for Pit to observe. "I have been without wings for centuries. If I only had a pair, I could return to the Heavens."

"You're a goddess?" Pit asked. Truth be told, he wanted her to keep speaking. Her voice was mesmerizing, to say the least.

"I…I was." The woman said. "Until I was stripped of my most prized possession. I no longer have wings, but I can still fly."

"Huh?" Pit blinked.

Without waiting for him to ask any more stupid questions, the woman gracefully leapt off the branch she was standing on and took to the air. Just as she said, she remained suspended among the treetops, staring down at the grounded angel.

"Whoa!" Pit grinned. "That's cool! I can't fly on my own…even though I have these wings…"

"That's a shame, being a symbol of grace and beauty and yet possessing none of it."

"Hey, I'm fairly handsome." Pit dragged a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. "See?"

The woman didn't respond, only smile. "I know what you seek, angel. You are after the feather."

"Yeah." Pit said. "Dolos sent me to find it from a bird. But…you're not a bird."

"I suspect that was his version of a joke." The woman growled. Her welcoming voice suddenly felt a lot colder. "A bird with no feathers; an angel without wings. So very funny."

"So…uh, can I have the feather? I need it to get out of here."

"I will offer you a trade, angel." The woman said. "I will—"

"Pit," Pit interrupted, "call me Pit, not angel. What's your name?"

The woman blinked her dark eyes. "…Apate."

"Apate," Pit said, as if trying the name out for size. "I like that name. It sounds powerful."

"Indeed, it is." Apate agreed. She cleared her voice. "As I was saying, I will offer you a trade for your precious feather. I believe you will benefit most pleasantly from this."

"Ok, what do you want?"

"In return for the feather, you will give me your wings." Apate said. "I have no need for the power of flight without feathers."

"What?! My _wings?_!" Pit took a step back. "No way! I need those get out of here! And to…to fly!"

" _In return for your wings_ ," Apate spoke loudly, commandingly. Her words pierced Pit like icicles and steel.

She cleared her throat again. "In return for your wings," she repeated, this time in a much more welcoming voice. "I give you my power of flight and the feather. You will no longer require wings to fly."

"Really?" Pit's eyebrows shot up in astonishment. "You can give me that power? Whoa!"

"The choice is yours, angel. I'll give you an hour to decide." Apate turned back toward the veil of leaves, vanishing through them without much of a second glance.

"I told you, my name is Pit…" Pit sighed and sat heavily on the ground. "And…I already have my decision…"

Apate didn't return at his halfhearted statement.

 **XxXxXxXx**

For the next hour, Pit mulled over the consequences of Apate's offer. On one hand, he could fly without Palutena's help. On the other, he would have no symbol of an angel anymore. Why, just that morning, he had spent nearly an hour pulling and brushing loose feathers out of his wings! All that hard work going nearly to waste for someone else's' benefit. Hopefully, Palutena wouldn't be _too_ mad at him for his decision…

"Have you decided, angel called Pit?"

Pit jumped and stood, facing Apate as she drifted out of her shelter of leaves. The goddess had a mask of almost giddy smugness marring her flawless features...but before Pit could tell if that was what he truly saw upon her face, the expression vanished to be replaced by a sweet smile.

"Yeah! I will trade my wings for invisible ones!" Pit declared, puffing his chest out proudly. "Now Lady Palutena won't have to worry about me anymore!"

"…Palutena?" Apate asked. "The Goddess of Light?"

"Yep!" Pit grinned. "Do you know her? She's really awesome!"

"I recall her name, and nothing else." Apate shook her head, sending waves through her hair. "Now, then…Angel Pit, take the feather from my hair. It is yours."

Apate drifted to the forest floor and stooped to one knee, as if being knighted into a royal court. Pit gently took the feather and strand of hair it was braided in, and slowly worked it free.

In nearly a blink of an eye, Apate transformed.

Her porcelain skin was stained ashy gray, a green undertone lining the protruding veins that crisscrossed her limbs and face. Her white garments, once flawless, were really stained with dried blood and torn nearly to shreds. Her hair was a sickly shade of green and black and every displeasing colour all in one that stuck up around her face in short, choppy spikes. And her eyes…her black, soulless eyes were the only thing that didn't change about her.

"Wha…?!" Pit gasped and stumbled back, losing his grip on the feather.

Apate laughed a gargling, screeching sound and leapt at the angel, grabbing him by his wing and pulling him roughly to the ground. Her strength was incredible, despite her thin, malnourished, and riddled with disease frame.

"What happened to you?!" Pit screamed. Saying he was frightened was an understatement. No, he was _terrified_ of what Apate had become.

"I am Apate, goddess of deceit and trickery! And your wings will be mine!" Apate's once sweet and warm voice was cracked and shattered, frozen over and defiled with sin. Her breath smelled of rotten meat.

"No!" Pit struggled to free his wing. "No, you can't have them! Let me go! _Lady Palutena_!"

"Silence, angel!" A hand with bloated and inflamed joints wrapped harshly around Pit's windpipe, broken fingernails digging into his skin. "Your precious goddess can't see you! She would have rescued you by now!"

A rustling in the bushes caught both their attention. Apate swung her head around to face the movement snarling, "Get out here, Dolos, and help me rip his wings out!"

From the bush strolled Dolos, his dark purple garments shimmering in the sunlight. "Ah, Pitto! You met the lovely Apate, I see! …Ease up on his throat, Apate…"

The goddess released a bit of the pressure she was applying on Pit's neck. The trapped angel gasped for breath before shooting Dolos a scared look and a choked, "help me!"

"No can do, angel boy!" Dolos said with a hearty grin. "We need your wings to get out of here! We've been trapped—no— _exiled_ here since as long as I can remember!"

"We've been here for _three years_ , idiot!" Apate snarled.

"Three years too long!" Apate sighed dramatically.

"Even if his wings won't support us, then we can still use him as ransom for his goddess." Apate stretched out one of Pit's wings, making the fragile joints pop nearly to their limit. "I doubt we're going to get anywhere on this two-inch wingspan…"

Pit wriggled uncomfortably, clutching at Apate's bony wrist at his throat. "Let…me…go!"

"Oh, don't forget your feather!" Dolos stooped beside Pit and retrieved the feather that had fallen a short distance away. He went to work messily braiding it back into Apate's hair.

As soon as the feather contacted her, the illusion of beauty and pureness overtook her grossly disfigured form. The hand at Pit's throat wasn't diseased and dirty anymore. Apate's hair was long again, flowing around the both of them.

But her eyes still remained the same.

"I do not like this form." Apate said with a hiss. "I think I'll choose another."

Her long red hair changed to blonde at the roots, traveling down to the ends of her locks. Her clothes, now white and gold, turned to a variation of reds, purples, and greens. A strand of hair moved on its own, circling her forehead and turning to wood in an unusual crown as her entire body began growing smaller…

Pit knew the form Apate had taken.

"The Goddess of Nature?" Dolos apparently knew as well.

"I figure it will come in handy," Apate said in Viridi's childish (and slightly annoying) tone, "if Palutena does decide to show herself."

"She will know you're not really Viridi!" Pit brought his knee up into Apate's stomach, causing the goddess of deceit to double over and release her grip on his throat.

Pit scrambled away, rolling as Dolos tried to body slam him into the ground. The grounded angel stood and began running as fast as he could, ignoring as branches and twigs snapped and scratched at his clothes.

" _Stop him_!" Apate screeched in the coldest and most merciless voice Pit had ever heard.

The angel tore through the forest, more than once tripping and falling facefirst into a pile of leaves or dirt. Dolos was trampling after him close enough that Pit could hear every swipe the god of trickery took at his wings.

" _LAAAAADY PALUTENAAAA!_ " Pit cried, throwing both hands over his golden crown to lessen the risk of it flying off. " _HEEEEELP!_ "

"Your…goddess… can't…hear you!" Dolos gasped.

The ground shook beneath Pit's feet, nearly throwing him back into the dirt. A huge tree shot up out of the ground just behind him, nicking his sandals and taking a few feathers with it. A loud _thunk_ was heard on the opposite side of the trunk as Dolos ran facefirst into it.

"His goddess might not hear him, but I did!" A childish, singsongy voice declared.

Pit turned, gasping toward the voice. "Viridi…! How…?"

"I just followed the screams." Viridi shrugged and hopped down from the tree branch she had been sitting in. "You were awfully loud. A few of my troops managed to pick up where your voice was coming from and that's how I found you." She was just a few inches shorter than Pit.

"Lady Palutena …knows where I am now?" Pit continued gasping. "We gotta get out of here! They're gonna…they're gonna take my wings!"

"I know where you are. No one else does. Yet." Viridi flipped her veil of hair out of her face. "Now, come on, let's get out of here!"

" _You're not going anywhere!_ "

A second Viridi jumped out from around the base of the large tree and grabbed ahold of the other's hair. "You both are the perfect bait!"

"What the—?!" the goddess of nature shrieked. "Who are you? Why do you look like me?"

"That's Apate!" Pit dropped into a fighting stance, but since he lacked a weapon, the gesture didn't strike as much fear as he'd hoped into the goddess of deceit.

"Apate?!" Viridi exclaimed shrilly. "Pit! What are you doing talking to her?"

"I didn't know!" Pit protested. "She…she was gonna make me fly again! By myself!"

"And you were a fool to believe me!" Apate laughed, her borrowed form's childish features twisting into a grotesque picture of evil. Her black eyes glinted mischievously. "And now look what you've done! You've lead me directly toward one of your precious goddesses!"

"Children!" Viridi lifted her hand to her lips and blew a sharp whistle. Instantly, the bushes surrounding the trio sprung to life, vines lashing toward Apate.

The goddess sprung backward, forced to release Viridi or risk injury. With a snarl, she cast a glare back toward the tree. "Dolos!"

Her counterpart didn't answer.

" _DOLOS!_ "

"It's just you and me! And stop wearing my skin! It makes me look bad!" Viridi shouted, balling her hands into fists.

"Just you two? What am I?" Pit protested.

"I will use you to climb back to the Heavens, where I belong!" Apate shrieked, completely ignoring the angel.

"I dare you!" Viridi said, raising her hand above the ground in front of her. A tree trunk sprouted, forming itself into a staff of polished wood. The child goddess raised her weapon, a determined and angry look on her face.

Apate leapt forward, her youthful illusion wavering just for a moment into her true, disgusting form.

A pillar of light blocked their path, separating the warring deities. Viridi stomped her foot and raised her head to the sky, shouting, "Let me at her, Palutena! I will kick her back into Pandora's Box!"

"That's enough, Viridi!"

The light vanished, replaced with the green-haired goddess Pit had been so desperate for.

"Lady Palutena, I—"

Palutena hefted a polished pearl staff and faced Apate. "Get out of here! I don't know what you're doing on Earth, but if I find out you've tricked some humans into your dirty deeds…!"

"Ah, Palutena, what a surprise!" Apate said in a pleasantly false voice. She cast a glance down at her hands, scowling, "I guess this disguise won't work, then."

In a blink of an eye, Apate's copy of the goddess of nature vanished, replaced with her false one of pure innocence and beauty. Her long red hair, as vibrant as Palutena's but a different colour, curled around her ankles.

"If the goddess of deceit and trickery's true power lies within the ability to change form, then you've lost your touch." Palutena said. "You used to have a tongue as sharp as a two edged sword and just as silver."

"I assure you, nothing's changed." Apate said. "It's just I didn't need much to convince your little angel that I was on his side."

Palutena shot Pit a look. "Are you alright, Pit?"

"I-I'm fine, Lady Palutena." Pit said.

"Can I destroy her now?" Viridi growled between clenched teeth.

"Viridi!" Palutena hissed.

"Ah, hesitant! I see…" Apate laughed, her voice like bells and freezing winter. "You still think I have something up my sleeve."

Palutena said nothing.

"You're not as dumb as your servant." Apate continued. "If everyone I deceived were like you, I'd have a real run for my money."

"Hey…" Pit grumbled.

"I'm giving you one chance to leave." Palutena said.

"Leave? How? We're trapped here, Dolos and I." Apate shrugged.

"Trapped from the Heavens, yes. You were never meant for them in the first place."

"Then where else am I to go except to the human world? After all, they're the closest to the gods. I figured we'd have our ticket back in no time."

"Um…Lady Palutena?" Pit tapped the goddess' elbow and strained to look around the large tree Viridi had conjured.

Viridi gave up her tough act and threw her wooden staff at the ground, where it shattered and was quickly absorbed into the soil. She pouted angrily, glancing back from Palutena to Apate.

"Humans cannot call upon us like they had many years ago." Palutena said.

"As I learned." Apate nodded.

"So what did you hope to accomplish after you found this out?"

"Lady Palutena…?" Pit persisted.

"Not now, Pit!"

"But—"

Apate laughed. "Let the little penguin speak."

Pit frowned, but let that last comment slip by. "Lady Palutena, where's Dolos?"

"He's behind the tree." Viridi yawned. "Knocked out, I suppose. I think he hit it pretty hard, ha!"

"But…he's not…"

Palutena gripped her pearl staff and whirled around, slamming her weapon into something beside Pit with a hard _thwack_. Dolos appeared where she had struck, a single white feather clutched in his hand as he toppled to the ground.

"Hey, that's mine!" Pit gasped.

"A second later, and your whole wing might have gone missing." Palutena turned back to face Apate. "Viridi, keep an eye on Dolos."

The goddess of deceit muttered something less than holy under her breath. "Dolos, you fool…"

"There goes your backup plan. You were stalling this entire time?" Palutena asked.

"Perhaps."

The goddess of light narrowed her eyes. "Viridi, I leave the final judgement up to you."

"Alright!" Viridi's anger vanished instantly, replaced by a frightful glee. "A thousand years of banishment to this forest! My children will make sure you properly wait out your sentence!"

Apate's face filled with a nasty anger that overcame her transparent beauty. The gray was seeping back into her skin, the veins bulging in her neck as Palutena turned toward Pit, saying, "Let's go home."

 **XxXxXxXx**

"Apate would trick humans and gods alike by offering them something they can't refuse and the feather in her hair as either a token of gratitude or something to offer to Dolos." Palutena said. "The two of them work together like this to deceive even the cleverest of men and gods."

"So anyone could be fooled by them?" Pit asked, feeling slightly less stupid.

"Mostly." Palutena agreed. "You're just lucky she didn't succeed. She let you see her true form before she would have killed you… I suspect that she was bored. Few still know her name. I figured she wanted it engraved into your mind as she ended you."

"Killed me?" Pit squeaked.

"What she's done in the past is trick humans into thinking they can fly with no wings. She won't offer them the feather, though. She'll lead them to a cliff and tell them to jump, and they'll fall to their deaths."

Pit gulped.

"So…What exactly did Apate offer you?" Palutena asked.

Pit cast his gaze to the temple floor. "She said she could give me flight without my wings."

"Wingless flight is absolutely preposterous." Palutena chuckled. "An illusion on her part, no doubt. Just like her beauty. You're lucky Viridi found you in time."

"Yeah…" Pit sighed. "I…I guess I just wanted to fly again without anyone's help. I mean, I like that you talk to me and all when I'm out flying and things like that, but I feel so limited in what I can do…I mean, I can't go and get you a birthday present or anything…"

"A birthday present?" Palutena laughed. "It was nice of you to think of that, Pit, but I don't really need birthday presents."

"But it's the thought that counts!" The angel protested. "And you're really great, and I want you to know that!"

"Aw, Pit! You're so cute!" Palutena laughed again. "I know it now!"

Pit sighed heavily. "Yeah, I guess you do…"

"Next time you get separated from me on a mission, try not to make any deals with any deities you know nothing about." With that, the goddess of light turned and vanished farther into the temple, leaving the slightly embarrassed angel to mentally smack himself over his awkwardness.

 **XxXxXxXx**

 **I started playing Uprising, and I'm on chapter 18 or so. Unfortunately, I was borrowing it from a friend and never got to finish it yet, so there's probably a lot of crap wrong with this, but oh well.**

 **I hope you enjoyed, and remember to review!**

 **Hasta la Vista, Readers!**

 **Lordoftheghostking28**


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